In a world where we’re often defined by our titles and résumés, I believe it’s the untold stories—the quirks, experiences, lessons EARNED, the wisdom cultivated—that truly shape who we are as professionals and as people.
In my 2021 compilation of lessons earned from women leaders, Lessons in Life and Leadership, Laura Conigliaro (my mom), shares this lesson:
“Commit to broadening your defined boundaries, in life and business, forever. Think about building a hill of sand, grain by grain. For it to grow higher, it has to grow wider, too. Those grains of sand or pieces of learning will enable you to come up with new and better insights, more creative solutions. Going beyond what you absolutely need to know will make your job and your life richer and more rewarding.”
It took me a long time to really appreciate the layers that make me uniquely me. I spent decades attempting to fit into someone else’s mold or expectations of what my life or career was supposed to look like. Then came a big, unexpected wake-up call (a cancer diagnosis at the end of 2020)– from which I made time to reflect.
I’ll offer this to you: it’s worth exploring the layers of life and experience that make you – YOU! These layers offer a great storyline about what’s important to you and how you lead.
Here are 21 stories, moments, and traits that contribute to my unique perspective on life, leadership, and human connection. They’ve shaped my approach to helping others break out of the straitjacket of expectations, find clarity amidst chaos, and step into their most impactful self.
As you read through these, I hope you’ll see the human behind the professional, the ‘wise’ beyond the knowledge—and perhaps find a few threads that resonate with your own journey.
I was a kid in pre-gentrified Brooklyn in the early 70s. At the age of 4 my pals (still pals to this day) and I played in the streets with no supervision.
My nuclear family evolved from dad working tirelessly to support us - making $100/week building a business after his military days, to mom shattering the glass ceiling in the 80s. We were a happy family in both scenarios.
News alert: Many people think I am Italian because of my maiden name, Conigliaro. I am 51% Ukrainian Jewish and I have almost zero Italian blood.
And yet - I am still the only one in my nuclear family who speaks Italian after having lived in a small town, L’Aquila, Italy, in college. I’ve also lived in Valladolid, Spain, and Crete, Greece.
I am a geography nerd. Put me in front of a map and I can stand there for hours exploring every detail and distance. In fact, I do that on the plane often.
I can play AC/DC - Back in Black & Steely Dan - Deacon Blues on the drums.
I was a hardcore Menudo fan as a teenager - had 16 albums, screamed at concerts, learned Spanish mostly because I had hoped to marry one of them.
I have done graduate work in biomechanics and physiology at UCLA; DEI and executive leadership at Cornell, and Artificial Intelligence at MIT. The layers on my cake are many.
In my life I’ve learned a lot about every type of network: from human networks to IT networks to physiological networks to information networks - they are all quite similar.
I absolutely loved acting and once attended the Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute in New York City.
I am not religious, but it seems I am drawn to learning the history of religions.
I once hired a 2000lb bison to join a customer dinner. It was quite a memorable experience.
I am a naturally unstructured thinker, and for a long time I thought this was a problem - especially when I was working with so many engineers. But ultimately I started to understand and appreciate its complimentary value.
My family is made up of Jewish, Catholic, straight, gay, bisexual, trans, white, Chinese American, Philippine American, coastal, Midwestern, blue collar, white collar - all awesome and interesting people.
In an intensive leadership program in my 20s, I once spent a day embodying a homeless person in Santa Monica - no makeup, no jewelry, no money, no phone; poured tuna and pickle juice on my head and was sent out alone and vulnerable to beg for money. It was very uncomfortable, and yet, an eye-opening experience. The only person who gave me a dollar and a kind conversation about where to find a shower was also a homeless man.
I’ve been an awkward pre-teen, I’ve been anorexic, been overweight, been very fit, experienced (well – I’m still experiencing) menopause, I’ve personally tested and learned about all the diets and fitness varietals, I’ve been a certified personal trainer and holistic health coach (hobby) and motivator, and I’ve battled and beaten cancer. Through it all, I have concluded that while there are some important rules to true wellness, bio-individuality is a real thing. One size does not fit all.
I once climbed to the top of a 50 ft pole with a 10-inch rotating plate on top and was told to stand up and then turn around. Right then, I learned what it meant to FOCUS.
I spent 26+ years in heavy infrastructure and cloud technology companies. There were parts and people I absolutely loved. There were parts I loathed. I don’t regret one minute of it. I learned, I earned, I reflected, and I grew monumentally.
I am fluent in NFL football. I liked it better in the 80s. But the sport has incredible lessons in leadership, teamwork, and what it really takes to win. I have a very reflective way of looking at it to learn about those things.
I'm mom to a now 15-year senior Labrador, Riley, and wife to former enterprise tech seller, now full-time artist.
I am incredibly disciplined. I have mastered what it takes to build a new habit, and have done it with intention many times over.
So I’ll pass the baton to you now. If you were to consider that life and leadership is not so linear, what are 10 layers of your own story that have shaped who you are today—personally & professionally? Share them in the comments or take this as a reflection for your own time! I’d love to know about you!
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